Hope

As the night falls, scared I am to close my eyes,

Will I see the vortex again and will I fall?

Mostly, the nights are whispering in my ears,

Tomorrow, again it’ll be the same old day of dry tears.

At nights; I talk it out with myself,

What I want and what I have,

Trying hard at each step,

Broken, crooked road and sore in my steps.

Will I ever be out of this vortex?

Is there a day designed for me,

When I could breathe the fresh blossoms and fresh river stream?

Will I see what’s behind this faded sheet of thoughts?  

It’s not that I’m weak, I know me,

Strong I am within, to everyday; face this dread,

Dawn breaks, I sit with the first ray,

Sharing my last night’s quest.

Ray says, each day rise up,

 Face this test and take one more step,

I see people around who bring me down,

The fear and loathsome feeling, Ray, how do I bare?

I see, what you say and know what you mean,

But life is with people like these,

They are the ones; you don’t understand who make you strong,

Beam, shine, rise like Ray.

Maybe not today, not tomorrow,

But someday, the silent reverie,

The answers you need,

Will be waiting in distance and be clear.

Are those the answers waiting?

To unite with my soulful call, You’ll say,

Passion is what they’ll seek,

Answers to questions when they meet. 

Cry for deliverance

Dark clouds follow me,

Ashes, shadows cover me,

Maze I’m walking in,

No end in sight I’m just lost within.

Drowning, sinking I’m in,

In deep ocean of pain and grin,

Screaming, inside no one’s to listen,

Struggling hard but no one seems to care.

The one closest to me seal me with blame,

No matter how hard I try,

Every time I try, I just fail,

Everyday, I pray to The Alpha, The Omega

I ask what is my purpose here?

I need some answers to my prayers,

Nothing’s easy that comes to me,

Or rather nothing ever comes to me,

Seeking to when this search will end.

Seems some curse walks every now and then,

The more I pray the more I break,

They say it’s a test,

But I fail.

No horizons I see, no drop of rains,

No pastures green, no colorful stains,

No sight of rainbow through my windowpane,

No fresh leaf, no morning ray.

Every night in dark silence,

I scream out YOUR name,

Lord! Where are you?

Will You every rescue me from my pain?

Sore soul I carry every day,

Do You even see my face?

Your word says you have my name,

Carved In your palms,

Just one glance at it,

 And I know, no longer I’ll be in the same pain again. 

A little more perfect

And by each passing day the list just gets bigger and bigger of students I've taught and teaching. It is generally believed that students don't turn back to teachers once you've taught them but I feel that's absolutely not correct. Every year I feel my heart is etched by their names and when they come back to me to play a little guess-my- name -game where I don't have a slightest of confusion in recalling their names and BANG you can see that twinkling sparkle in their tinny little eyes, there that's the exact moment you can say no recognition is above any but yes that beyond feeling of satisfaction is less described in words.

Well I too have made mistakes I confess, but begin a teacher is not an absurdly or surprisingly easy task, I learn everyday and what I learn I try to give it quietly, I understand I don't speak of what I do, because I believe in (Bible verse Matthew chapter 6:1-8) "Thus, when you give to the someone , sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward".

No matter I've receive no Earthy reward but I know I've received my rewards from my Lord. This is my prayer today that God give me the strength to keep going and bless me in my work I must keep learning and serving and yes a little more perfectly.