I am not

I’m tired of life playing tricks on me,
I’m tired of life,  it’s what I’ve heard so many times,
I’m so not strong to play this game called life.
I’ve troubles undefined, tears so many almost lost count,
I’ve no hope left, just counting my days, waiting to see my end,
I think, then what if it also turns its face from and denies?

I’m still grieved by the day when I was born,
I still feel to why the sun shone that time,
I had to be a blessing for someone, but have I placed a burdening hand?

I’m still not relived; breathing too hurts me inside out,
I smile to make believe, and for others I’m still a heartfelt glee,
Could I ever be found in this lost time?

I still not know when will the suffering end?
I still don’t know ?
I still don’t know does the grave exist in which,
I’ll someday turn sand?